Post by Johnny (Admin) on Mar 7, 2019 5:51:35 GMT
Hello guys, I recently returned from a short vacation. While I was away, I had a very important epiphany: I need to do something about my ADHD. It's always been a big problem and I finally had enough while I was away. It might not seem too terribly important -- being a scatterbrain is something I and others have always found funny -- but really I've come to the realization that its been a driving force of misery in my life. I'm always forgetting everything and having to answer stupidly to my parents or teacher / boss whoever. I quit school because I just couldn't do this shit anymore. (In hindsight I'm still glad I dropped out). I quit an extremely well paying job because it was just unbearable. (Again, still glad I quit).
Oddly enough, ADHD is why I decided to start this website. I didn't want to have to answer to some bozo who has a very specific set of things that he needs done in a very specific way and in a very specific time frame. I forget things, I overlook details, and I wait til the last minute or have to turn it in late.
Unfortunately, I'm kind of aware that I haven't put as much work into the website as I've wanted to -- and that's because I simply can't focus on what I'm supposed to do. In hindsight it's kind of amazing actually, looking at all these little buttons and icons I've made -- I feel like I suffered in the process of making them. The endless cycle of web browsing and researching random things and constantly forgetting and having to remind myself what I'm doing, and the self loathing that comes from that -- how I have all of these dreams but am too scattered and impotent to make any serious progress -- how I'm always starting things but never finishing them -- it just slowly destroys my dreams.
I guess one big takeaway is this: if you're suffering for a long period of time and you "don't know why" or "can't put your finger on what's wrong," please tell someone, maybe see a doctor. It took so long to figure out that no, this isn't as complicated or multi-factorial as I imagined.
Now, the other big takeaway is more interesting: the more that I think about it, I'm fairly thankful of ADHD for giving me the gift of sight. Since I was always getting in trouble or rushing chaotically to catch up on stuff or redo things or whatever, I became very used to impressing upon the people who laid my life out before me: parents, teachers, government workers, university professors, churches, various faceless institutions, whatever. And from a young age I developed a strong distaste for all of their retarded rules, and I began to become very critical of their theories and justifications. I was a weird boy with an imagination who was curious and vaguely "against" convincing authorities. And this in combination with my existential crisis around late middle school -- where I began to majorly deconstruct the world around me, and where after a lot of careful observation found an arbitrary and "not particularly special or magical," silent universe -- I began to develop a very visceral, religious faith in art.
There's more stuff I did but this is a long post and I'm exhausted.
Oddly enough, ADHD is why I decided to start this website. I didn't want to have to answer to some bozo who has a very specific set of things that he needs done in a very specific way and in a very specific time frame. I forget things, I overlook details, and I wait til the last minute or have to turn it in late.
Unfortunately, I'm kind of aware that I haven't put as much work into the website as I've wanted to -- and that's because I simply can't focus on what I'm supposed to do. In hindsight it's kind of amazing actually, looking at all these little buttons and icons I've made -- I feel like I suffered in the process of making them. The endless cycle of web browsing and researching random things and constantly forgetting and having to remind myself what I'm doing, and the self loathing that comes from that -- how I have all of these dreams but am too scattered and impotent to make any serious progress -- how I'm always starting things but never finishing them -- it just slowly destroys my dreams.
I guess one big takeaway is this: if you're suffering for a long period of time and you "don't know why" or "can't put your finger on what's wrong," please tell someone, maybe see a doctor. It took so long to figure out that no, this isn't as complicated or multi-factorial as I imagined.
Now, the other big takeaway is more interesting: the more that I think about it, I'm fairly thankful of ADHD for giving me the gift of sight. Since I was always getting in trouble or rushing chaotically to catch up on stuff or redo things or whatever, I became very used to impressing upon the people who laid my life out before me: parents, teachers, government workers, university professors, churches, various faceless institutions, whatever. And from a young age I developed a strong distaste for all of their retarded rules, and I began to become very critical of their theories and justifications. I was a weird boy with an imagination who was curious and vaguely "against" convincing authorities. And this in combination with my existential crisis around late middle school -- where I began to majorly deconstruct the world around me, and where after a lot of careful observation found an arbitrary and "not particularly special or magical," silent universe -- I began to develop a very visceral, religious faith in art.
There's more stuff I did but this is a long post and I'm exhausted.